Pictured: A Shitshow.
The history of American Dream is complicated, and others have likely covered it better than I could. The gist is that it's a mega-mall project that's had trouble getting finished for the better half of two decades. Parts have only begun to open recently, the first of which we'll cover, because this is a theme park blog.
What Could've Been Gold
That's... a lot of blank white walls you got there.
The Nickelodeon Universe theme park was the first part of the mall to open, sharing its' name with the original Nickelodeon Universe at the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. Both of these malls are owned by investment group Triple 5, so the recurring theme was expected.
This park could've had a lot going for it. Five coasters, one of which has the steepest drop in the world. Rides themed to a plethora of different characters, from our childhood all the way up to the present. And on top of it all, opening as the outdoor parks were closing for the season, meaning they could get money that would be impossible to get otherwise, thanks to its indoor vacation. This was guaranteed to print money.
As far as can be told, it hasn't. Why is that?
Full of Characters, While Lacking It
This is the Minnesota one, for comparison. Yes, I like this one more too.
The NU pictured above is just more vibrant, for one. There's a ton of trees, the floor is a blend of different colors, it's just generally bright and stimulating. The newer park just looks like the rides were shoved into a giant warehouse. It looks so much cheaper in comparison.
Some of the choices for theming are a bit weird too. I understand wanting rep for a lot of them, but it strikes me as weird that there are three Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rides, and they're all themed to the show that ended before this park opened, instead of the one that is now on.
Something particularly glaring to me is the lack of any dark rides. I know that seems superfluous in comparison, but I think a good park should have at least one. It can really help with theming, and with all the properties they have, having an idea for one would've been easy. But nope.
But that's not the worst of it.
The Worst Part (Outside of No Fiery Fist-O-Pain)
Fuckin' missed opportunity.
The worst part is this.
Criminy-jim-jam.
If the link is broken, or the price has gone up even further, that is $69 (nice) for an all-access ticket, $59 for limited access, and $44 for late entry. New Yorkers are have money, but they're not all wealthy. And for reference, here's what tickets in Minnesota cost. $38, and they don't even have as much competition. Meadowlands does.
"But Colin, you snack," you say to yourself, "Can this be fixed?"
Well, yeah. Just solve the problems addressed, and they'll be a lot better. Nobody wants to go to a sparsely-decorated warehouse of rides for $69 (nice). Maybe they'll learn their lesson, and things will improve.
Then again, looking at their water park tickets, that lesson won't likely be learned soon.
But what do you think? Would you go to this park? What do you people from that area think of it? Feel free to comment, or ask me directly at @Colonel_Colin on Twitter. Until next time, keep slimin' those celebs!
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