Seriously, why isn't there one?

Two in a row for parks I haven't visited now. Who here's familiar with Cedar Point?

Weird island. Not-so-weird park.

Cedar Point is one of the oldest operating amusement parks in the United States, and is seen by many enthusiasts as one of the best parks in the country. Its' lineup of coasters is legendary, the kind that people won't shut up about. Without a doubt, it's one of the most popular tourist destinations in the Midwest.

However, even with all its' fame and glory, it lacks one important thing: a dark ride.

Yes, I'm shocked too.

How we got here

Who doesn't love beige?

Now, Cedar Point's had a few dark rides over the years. Keyword is had. There was a pirate one that seemed to just be their version of Pirates of the Caribbean, and one themed to the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake that they bought from the famously-defunct Freedomland U.S.A.

There most famous, though, was the enclosed coaster Disaster Transport, as pictured above. It was their attempt at making their own Space Mountain, and while no one really said it was a masterpiece, it still has a cult following. Watch this to get a sense of its history.

Okay, but why not build one?

Here's why.

Some years ago, Cedar Fair actually announced a partnership with Triotech to build more dark rides at their parks, which sounded pretty interesting. However, only two were built, and we've never heard anything ever since. Of those two, I have never heard anyone talk about Wonder Mountain's Guardian at Canada's Wonderland, and the closest thing to praise I've ever heard about Voyage to the Iron Reef at Knott's Berry Farm is Some Jerk with a Camera calling it "deliciously cheesy". So if I had to guess, the rides sucked, and Cedar Fair didn't want to continue the deal.

Plus, they don't want to focus on theming at Cedar Point, they just want to build coasters that are extremely tall and fast. At least, that's what it seems. So, to figure out what to do, I did what any sane person would do...

I asked Reddit.

BONE!?!?

"Now go ahead and eat that goop, Scrooge! It'll give you the Boney's sense of humor!"

You can see the whole thing here, but I basically just asked the folks at r/rollercoasters what they would do. I got some serious answers, some not-so-serious answers, one person just wanted an indoor, air-conditioned queue (valid). But what caught my eye was multiple suggestions for a Boneville ride.

For the unaware, Boneville is a town full of animatronic skeletons you pass by when you ride the parks railroad. It's an interesting, fun concept, and a dark ride centered around them could be fun. Whether it would be a shooter or not, fun or scary, I don't know. But I know this: the line will be air-conditioned.

But what do you think? Do you agree that the park needs a dark ride, and how would you make it? Feel free to comment or ask me on Twitter at @Colonel_Colin. Until next time, keep top thrilling those dragsters!