Indo-vation!

Folks, we saw a lot of developments in the theme park industry last year. We saw Disney open up Galaxy's Edge, Universal open Hagrid's Bad Name Coaster, Six Flags Great America got As fast as it is short, Carowinds got Da Snake, Wonderland Eurasia opened and then closed...

So young, so turkish...

But one bit of surprising news was some dark ride developments taking place in Indonesia, of all places. Now folks, you know I love a good dark ride. I love Haunted Mansion, tolerate Justice League: Battle for Metropolis, and wish I could marry Rise of the Resistance. So it surprised me when I learned that some of the most ambitious dark ride projects in Earth right now are coming from some small indoor theme parks in Southeast Asia.

Like Universal, but tiny!

A foretelling of the beast that may emerge.

Trans Studio is a chain of parks owned and operated by Trans Corp, an Indonesian conglomerate formed in 2013. They own TV channels, shopping malls, restaurants, and more. They hold a lot of power. But let's focus on the parks. Many of them are small affairs, akin to family entertainment centers, but some go a bit bigger. Namely, the ones in Cibubur and Bali.

You see, last year these brand-new parks decided that they should each have a dark ride, as most sensible parks should. But not just any standard affair; no, they wanted to go big. And did they?

Did they ever.

One of the best Mecha Animes

From that movie you loved! And that sequel you forgot about!

How they got the rights, I don't know, but they came up with something on the scale of the big-name park groups. The premise is that you're going to an exhibit about the Jaegers, some kind of lame edutainment thing, except, as always, things go horribly wrong. Except kaiju are attacking before you even get on the ride. You have to go backstage and get on a ride vehicle to escape. You then get attacked by one of the kaiju, and crash into a closed dark ride.

And now you have to go on foot.

You ever wanna walk through a kaiju corpse? No? Well tough shit.

I've been on Deviantart long enough to know where this is going...

If you want to read about what else happens, check out Escape Authority's article here. As far as I can tell, this is the first dark ride based on a Guillermo Del Toro property. Hopefully not the last either.

But that's not the only insanity they've accomplished...

Vexed Maxine: Anger Street

"GAS! GAS! GAS!"

Meanwhile, Trans Studio Bali has another dark ride, known as Road Rage: Wasteland Escape, is a thrilling ride that was almost certainly designed with Mad Max in mind, but they couldn't get the license.

Now, a lot of modern dark rides have a preshow, and you gotta keep that interesting without being too boring. So how do you make a long wait exciting?

An escape room.

"Why would there be a laminate on a postcard? Who does that?"

Yup. As part of the line, you have to solve a brief escape room in a makeshift prison cell, with hints provided by a sympathetic guard. Two different forms of immersive entertainment have made sweet, sweet love and made Road Rage.

But wait! There's more! The ride also uses live actors throughout to enhance the experience. Most rides with actors use one or two, mostly to do spiels, like The Great Movie Ride or Jaws. This one uses no less than more than half a dozen separate actors to enhance your post-apocalyptic escape.

"If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die historic on the fury road!"

Again, if you'd like even more details, check out another article by Escape Authority here.

In summation: Daaaaaaaaaaaamn.

I'll be honest, I probably wouldn't've even known this group existed 5 or 6 years ago, but they've proven that they have the design skills to pay the design bills. Keep an eye out for these guys, folks: they're going places.

So what do you think? Do you like how they're rides look and sound? Is there anything you hope they can do? Feel free to comment or ask me at @Colonel_Colin on Twitter. Until next time, keep stacking those stereos!

What in God's name is going on in New Jersey?

Now, those of you who live in North New Jersey and New York City may already be familiar with the background of American Dream Meadowlands. I've never been in that area, but I follow theme park news, so I'm familiar with what's been going on there.

Pictured: A Shitshow.

The history of American Dream is complicated, and others have likely covered it better than I could. The gist is that it's a mega-mall project that's had trouble getting finished for the better half of two decades. Parts have only begun to open recently, the first of which we'll cover, because this is a theme park blog.

What Could've Been Gold

That's... a lot of blank white walls you got there.

The Nickelodeon Universe theme park was the first part of the mall to open, sharing its' name with the original Nickelodeon Universe at the Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. Both of these malls are owned by investment group Triple 5, so the recurring theme was expected.

This park could've had a lot going for it. Five coasters, one of which has the steepest drop in the world. Rides themed to a plethora of different characters, from our childhood all the way up to the present. And on top of it all, opening as the outdoor parks were closing for the season, meaning they could get money that would be impossible to get otherwise, thanks to its indoor vacation. This was guaranteed to print money.

As far as can be told, it hasn't. Why is that?

Full of Characters, While Lacking It

This is the Minnesota one, for comparison. Yes, I like this one more too.

The NU pictured above is just more vibrant, for one. There's a ton of trees, the floor is a blend of different colors, it's just generally bright and stimulating. The newer park just looks like the rides were shoved into a giant warehouse. It looks so much cheaper in comparison.

Some of the choices for theming are a bit weird too. I understand wanting rep for a lot of them, but it strikes me as weird that there are three Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rides, and they're all themed to the show that ended before this park opened, instead of the one that is now on.

Something particularly glaring to me is the lack of any dark rides. I know that seems superfluous in comparison, but I think a good park should have at least one. It can really help with theming, and with all the properties they have, having an idea for one would've been easy. But nope.

But that's not the worst of it.

The Worst Part (Outside of No Fiery Fist-O-Pain)

Fuckin' missed opportunity.

The worst part is this.

Criminy-jim-jam.

If the link is broken, or the price has gone up even further, that is $69 (nice) for an all-access ticket, $59 for limited access, and $44 for late entry. New Yorkers are have money, but they're not all wealthy. And for reference, here's what tickets in Minnesota cost. $38, and they don't even have as much competition. Meadowlands does.

"But Colin, you snack," you say to yourself, "Can this be fixed?"

Well, yeah. Just solve the problems addressed, and they'll be a lot better. Nobody wants to go to a sparsely-decorated warehouse of rides for $69 (nice). Maybe they'll learn their lesson, and things will improve.

Then again, looking at their water park tickets, that lesson won't likely be learned soon.

But what do you think? Would you go to this park? What do you people from that area think of it? Feel free to comment, or ask me directly at @Colonel_Colin on Twitter. Until next time, keep slimin' those celebs!

REVIEW: The Imagineering Story

Given who I am, I obviously had to get a subscription to Disney+ when it was released to the public. I mean, how could I not? It has Stuck in the Suburbs AND Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings! Those are worth the admission alone!

This is some TLC kind of crap. And I love that kind of crap.

But among the original programming that was offered at launch, what grabbed my interest most of all was a six-part docuseries titled The Imagineering Story. When I learned of this, I knew that I had to watch it. And I did! Should you have a binge, now that you're locked up in your home, your TV, computer, and game consoles being some of your only direct companions? That's what I'm going to tell you.

SPOILERS FOR THE IMAGINEERING STORY

THE GOOD

Oh, Eisner. I want to punch you, then buy you a beer.

This is, without a doubt, the most definitive look at the history of the Disney parks outside of a book that you will ever find. Every park, from Disneyland to Tokyo Disneysea, gets a fair amount of time in the spotlight. We get to see footage from their development that we had never seen before, and that easily made my $70 subscription worthwhile.

The show is really something with Episodes 3 and 4. The Eisner era, if you follow the company's history, is an absolutely insane period of time, and this show does not hesitate to show the many ups and downs. What surprised me the most by far was them interviewing Michael Eisner himself. The man, the myth, the legend. God, the questions I would ask that man if I could...

And overall, the show just has a general fascination about it. All the different interviews with imagineers and park workers they have are wonderfully charming, and make me wish that I could be one even more. Stuff like Bob Gurr going to the basketball court inside the Matterhorn, Tony Baxter talking about his experiences as a kid going to the park, Kim Irvine taking her kids to see Madame Leota in The Haunted Mansion because she was played by her late mother, their grandmother. It's all so brilliant.

THE NOT-SO-GOOD

This really looks like something's about to blow up.

As much as I adore this show, there are still some issues with it. While the show's first four episodes take an honest look at both the good and the bad, analyzing their successes and mistakes, the last two, focusing on Iger's reign, are mostly just a circlejerk of "Wow, look at how great we are!". I honestly should've expected that in hindsight, but it came as a bit of a tonal shift after the first two-thirds of the show.

Also, don't expect your favorite attraction to get covered. While I was happy to see the development of things like Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, or Rise of the Resistance, there's a lot that I feel they still didn't really go into. I wanted to see some details about MuppetVision 3D, or Test Track, or Rock'N'Rollercoaster. I wish they got more coverage than a mere footnote, but I guess six episodes wasn't enough time. Maybe they'll make a sequel series at some point, but I can only hope.

FINAL VERDICT

I rode through this. It kicked ASS!

Despite a couple of issues, this might just be one of the most definitive, detailed looks at theme park development you can find. The Iwerks Company and Narrator Angela Bassett have given us a brilliant series, and if you have any kind of interest in how attractions are made, I cannot recommend this show enough. This is 100% Colin approved.

But what do you think? Have you seen the show? What are your thoughts on it? Feel free to comment, or ask me directly at @Colonel_Colin on Twitter. Until next time, keep shooting those hoops!

Let's Imagineer 4: Monoraillercoaster!

Well, I'm beginning to regret my blog topic a little right now.

As some of you may have heard, pretty much every amusement and theme park on Earth right now is either closed because of COVID-19, or has delayed their opening because of it. This means that one could argue that...

Oh, Scott. You truly are the Woz!

But in any case, I have a duty to keep making posts, and thankfully, I still have some ideas in my head. Let's take a look at one right now!

The Company Nerds Won't Shut Up About

Looking at this, you probably wouldn't even figure they make coasters.

Rocky Mountain Construction, or RMC, has made waves over the last decades for their work in the amusement industry, making extreme conversions to preexisting wooden coasters, or making their own steel-wood hybrid monstrosities. And they're talked about as much as that one weird friend you have that won't shut up about The Irishman.

But in recent years, they've come up with another, newer kind of coaster...

Look at this nonsense. You gotta love it.

The T-Rex is a model of steel coaster they've come up with that uses but a single rail, creating something that both looks incredibly refined, and is some of the most fun in the coaster world. As it's a recent development, only two have opened so far, and only two others are planned. But I can think of another place that may see a use for it...

If You Know Me, Then You Saw This Coming.

"Mono-D'OH!"

The Disney Parks- well, Anaheim, Florida, and Tokyo anyway- are famous for many things, but one of the things they're most famous for are the iconic monorails. They're sleek! They're colorful! The ones in Florida probably need a replacement or refurbishment because they've been in service too long! But in any case, they're pretty much synonymous with their resorts.

I'm sure you can put two and two together.

Coming I-Don't-Know-When...

I'm having trouble figuring out where to put it, so for now, let's just say behind Test Track and Mission: SPACE.

Get ready to step into the future, as Disney's science division invites you, yes, YOU, for the ride of a lifetime! At EPCOT, be prepared for the future of passenger rail transportation as you board the Monoraillercoaster! Sponsored by Virgin Trains USA!

It's not an EPCOT ride without a sponsorship.

As you go through the queue, you'll see the history and advancement of rail transportation, as well as the history of Disney's involvement with it. The company's top researchers have come up with an idea for a new monorail concept, one that's blazing fast and a ton of fun!

As you reach the station, you'll see the trains. While they're not enclosed, and only hold one person a row, they are undeniably Disney, taking influences from the best parts of their monorail designs.

I am no artist, and will not pretend to be one, so here's a picture from when Disneyland turned their monorails into Cars characters instead.

It's not long before your train takes off, and you reach a launch to give you a big boost of speed! Obviously, this coaster has to be indoors, and we lack the room for another really big building, so think of a similar set-up to Rock'n'Rollercoaster. But with more color! You'll zoom through simulated landscapes of Disney landmarks worldwide, twisting and inverting all the way! By the time you unload, you'll wish we all traveled like this.

Odds? Low. Potential? High.

With the current closures meaning they're losing money, as well as the IP focused direction they've been taking things recently, I know this is probably unlikely. But I think that they could do a lot with this concept, and I'm sure a lot of other people would want to see something like it.

But what do you think? Would this be a ride you'd love to see? Do you a think a Disney T-Rex should have a different theme? Feel free to comment, or talk to me at @Colonel_Colin on Twitter. Until next time, keep calling the big ones Bitey!

A Weird Obsession with No Explanation

 How many of you are familiar with the company Merlin Entertainments? If you have, then great. If you haven't, then you're probably familiar with what they own.

I'm sure at least one of these will ring a bell.

Merlin is the second largest operator in the amusement industry worldwide, just after Disney. They own every LEGOLAND and subsequent Discovery Centers, three of the biggest parks in England, a large chain of aquariums, and the only reputable wax museum chain in the world.

Though it is a legitimate question whether or not anything with wax figures could be considered reputable in normal society.

There's a lot with them that we could talk about, but today we'll focus on a recurring theme between their two of their biggest parks: Alton Towers in Staffordshire, and Thorpe Park in Chertsey.

Being Scared in an Amusement Park? Unheard of!

"It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

Horror is a complicated genre. Sometimes you get a chilling story with suspense and insightful commentary, other times you get a bunch of jump scares and annoying-ass ads on YouTube. It can be utilized quite well at theme parks- a look at Halloween Horror Nights proves that- and Merlin seems to have taken that to heart. Perhaps a little too closely, though.

Now, it made sense with some rides, like Duel pictured above, or the famous first dive coaster Oblivion when it opened, but they still seem to have some kind of obsession with it, to wildly varying degrees of success.

For various reasons, The Smiler will not be included in either section because of how divisive it is. On one hand, it has the most inversions of any coaster on Earth and a brilliant ARG advertising campaign. On the other hand, it's had a lot of accidents. How good or bad it is should be decided by people who have actually ridden it, unlike this author. Or been to Alton Towers, unlike this author.

The Right Stuff

These all get a pass.

Merlin has been able to do some great horror attractions, mind you. I mean, they do own all those Dungeons, but they can do it for rides too. Saw: the Ride isn't the only creepy Gerstlauer Eurofighter on Earth, even if that superlative sounds rather narrow, but it seems well liked enough. Even more than some films from the franchise it's based off of!

Wicker Man is one of the few heavily themed wooden coasters around, and you can tell from the photo that they put effort into it. It's wild, it's immersive, it's creepy; the only thing it lacks is a large number of bees!

And Nemesis is one of the oldest Inverted coasters on Earth, sure, but it has aged like a fine wine in terms of design and looks. Over a quarter of a decade after it opened, it's still seen as one of the best coasters in the United Kingdom. So, if they made these so creepy and good, then surely the other ones are just as good, right?

R-right?

The Problem Children

"Crap. Crap. Mega-crap."

While they've had some successes, they had also had some big failures. TH13TEEN had pretty good advertising, and was getting some people hyped... and then the technical details were released, and it was outright referred to a family coaster. The coaster that they said might break people psychologically. It's pretty much always gonna have that cloud hanging over it.

I'm gonna be honest, even though it opened in 2018, I've heard jack shit about Walking Dead: the Ride. It was just a retheme of a preexisting coaster, only now there are some zombies. This one was definitely done on the cheap, mostly just taking advantage of how the coaster was already inside of a building, leading to the inevitable suggestion "Darkness is theming!". It is not.

And then we have Derren Brown's Ghost Train. Oy. Watch this if you want the whole story, but essentially, the only dark ride at Thorpe Park is a rather disjointed attraction mostly using virtual reality. There's something about fracking releasing demons, I think? It really doesn't seem to have any reason to be related to illusionist Derren Brown, aside from the Victorian carriage ride vehicle turning into a London Underground train, the one part of this ride I hear no one complain about.

But what does it all mean?

Two parks, one problem.

"But Colin, you saucy minx," you're no doubt wondering, "How can this be a problem? They still seem to be having successes.". Whether they succeed or not does not fix the fact that their big new recent attractions still seem to lean heavily around being based on horror instead of other things. You need to diversify interests if you want people to keep going and not get bored. We'll just have to see if they'll learn that lesson yet.

Anyway, what are your thoughts? Should these parks get more or less horror-themed attractions? Give me your thoughts by commenting or asking me at @Colonel_Colin on Twitter. Until next time, keep burning those effigies!

"Cool Runnings Man, Bobsled!"

Heads up: this ain't a normal segmented post. This is more me pondering on why we don't do more cool stuff.

There are a lot of different kinds of roller coasters in the world. Flying, suspended, hyper, giga, ones that go backwards, ones with brakemen, ones with a single rail...

And, of course, whatever the Roller Ball is.

But there's one kind in particular that I haven't seen many of left. One that's captivated me both when I played Rollercoaster Tycoon, and when I watched the 2006 Winter Olympics: the Bobsled coaster.

See the car? The track? Yeah, the name is fitting.

Bobsled coasters are exactly what they sound like. They're a roller coaster that works like a bobsled. I don't know if it's just me, but ever since I was a child, these things have fascinated me. "What a wonderfully unique kind of experience," I would theoretically think. "I'm sure plenty of places would want to make something like this!".

There are eight left in the world.

And one's in Blackpool? Aw, that's the New Jersey of England!

There's four in the US, one in the UK, one in France, and two in Germany. All were built either by Mack Rides or Intamin, except for one at Knoebels in Pennsylvania, which was built in-house(the park itself made it).

Now you may be asking, "Colin, you king of men, why are there so few of these still around?". Yeah, that's what I want to know.

No, I'm serious. I have no idea. I haven't heard of any major accidents involving them. And yeah, I'm sure the Intamin ones have maintenance issues, but they were built by Intamin. I sort of expect that from them at this point.

"We'll make you a masterpiece! One that keeps having accidents, but a masterpiece nonetheless!"

I'm also aware that, due to how they're constructed, they're not gonna break many records or drop many jaws. And I kinda get that, but goddammit, I like seeing more unique rides. That's one of the reasons why I love Whizzer at Six Flags Great America; it's difficult to find another coaster quite like it.

There's exactly one other coaster like this in the world, and I don't know if I'm going to Colombia anytime soon.

What about you? Do you think bobsled coasters are cool, and that more should be built? Why do you think there are so few nowadays? What kind of strange type of coaster do you want to see more of? Leave a comment here, or ask me at https://twitter.com/Colonel_Colin. Until next time, keep battling against normalcy!

My thoughts on Galaxy's Edge

How do I describe it. How do I say what hasn't already been said.

It's a mystery that eludes me.

Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge is a triumph. An experience. I've loved Disney World for a while already, but this? It was on a whole other level. The buildings. The rides. The merchandise. The libations.

I don't know when I'll be able to have another Spice Runner, but hopefully it won't be too long.

I've always believed that Disney are the best in the business when it comes to immersive theming, and I think this land proves me right. But while there's a lot to talk about, a lot of my observations have already been said by those that hold more clout than I do. So, I'll try and stay brief.

The Best Star Wars Thing to Come Out Last Year with "Rise" in the Title

I believe that kids these days would call this 'Neat-o'.

Rise of the Resistance may just be the greatest theme park ride ever built. This is the Sears Tower of rides. Everything used in it is so revolutionary, so new, so brilliantly executed that the only immediate flaw I can think of is how hard it is to get a boarding pass.

I don't want to spoil too much of what happens, because it's such an amazing experience, but my god. It's part walk-through, part simulator, part dark ride, part drop tower, part another simulator. It all works so well together to give you a beautiful, seamless experience that proves the beauty of themed entertainment.

"We're sooooaring, flyyyyyyying"

"Have you ever seen a grown man naked?"

Simulators, despite my best efforts (i.e. making them the subject of my first post), are still a popular type of attraction. Thankfully, Millennium Falcon: Smuggler's Run at least switches up the formula a bit. Now, you at least have some control of the events that happen. To pilot the most iconic spaceship in fiction is now finally a reality!

If you get assigned pilot.

I got assigned engineer. I pushed buttons, and couldn't look at the screen too much. Well, nothing's perfect.

The Greatest Expensive Souvenir You Can Get

My child...

I know Disney World is expensive, what with the tickets, and the airfare, and the accommodations, because you know you're going to stay on property, I mean yeah you don't have to, but renting a car is such a hassle, and you know the Ubers add up...

Where was I?

Oh, yeah.  So you may not want to spend too much on souvenirs, due to many of them being exorbitantly priced. Well, it may cost a hundred bucks, but being able to build your own droid is worth it. There's a decent number of customization options, the process is easy, and you get your own goddamn droid. Remote control, well-made, and adorable as fuck. If there's a time on your vacation to really waste money, this is it.

In Conclusion, I Vibe with this Place

I didn't even talk about this bit!

I've gone to Disney World eight times so far, and they keep giving me more and more reasons to go back, and inevitably move there. The design put into Galaxy's Edge is some of the finest in the world, and even if you're not a Star Wars fan, I'd recommend a visit. And if you do, TAKE ME WITH YOU.

Questions? Comments? Weird cravings? Feel free to tell them at https://twitter.com/Colonel_Colin. Until next time, keep blueing those milks!