God, why can't it just be annual...

People, we are steadily approaching a fantastic event that happens only once every two years: D23. Quite possibly the greatest of conventions, and this coming from someone who's been to World's Greatest Hobby On Tour! Yeah, it's that big. For me, at least.

Finally, this will help give my life meaning!

Sadly, I will not be able to attend the festivities for a few reasons, one of the more prominent being school starting 3 weeks earlier now, because they want to leave their students with as little joy as possible. Still, it can be fun to speculate what they might show off and reveal at their 3 big presentations: Disney+, Film, and Theme Parks. With that being said, here's a list of what either I think will be shown off or what I hope to see the most. Let's get into it!

And before we start, some of you may say "Isn't Disney an evil corporation?". Well, so is every other corporation. Don't cherry-pick. This may be another post.

Finally, a preexisting company's streaming service I can get behind!

Oh boy, how I love throwing money at them!

Anyway, Disney+ launches this November, letting me live out my dream of watching Stuck in the Suburbs whenever I want, a dream that I'm sure is shared by many others.

This masterpiece makes Cinderella look like Monsters University.

I believe that most of the announcements at this panel will be about the new programming. We'll probably get trailers for a few of them, especially Lady and the Tramp and The Mandalorian. There are two projects, though, that I really want to see more about: the Imagineering documentary, and the Oswald the Lucky Rabbit series.

I've been obsessed with imagineering for at least a decade now, so a documentary or docuseries (they have not been clear on which it is) on the subject is something I've been craving for a while. You know what else I've been craving for a while? For Disney to do something with Oswald. And now they're doing that too, so I am very happy about this.

"Aw, yeah! This is happening!"

"Popcorn? At the Cinema?"

Now, for the one panel the general public actually cares about!

The Walt Disney Studios panel is probably the biggest of the show, covering the upcoming film releases from the various movie-making divisions of this giant company. It's also the one that I have the least to talk about. I predict trailers for Rise of Skywalker, Black Widow, Onward, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil and Frozen 2. But that's some of the more obvious stuff.

The stuff that's less likely, but still possible, includes a trailer for Soul. That was only announced recently, but the Onward trailer came out pretty early, so this isn't too far out. I could also definitely see them announcing a sequel to Zootopia, ever since Tony Lister mentioned working on one earlier this year, as shown here. I mean, it grossed over a billion dollars, and it's weird that they haven't really done much with it yet. Well, except in theme parks, soon, but that's not yet.

Now, this may be a bit of a stretch, but given the success of Mary Poppins Returns, there's a small chance that they may announce something that's hand-drawn. A lot of people have asked for that, and if there's a company that could make a high-grossing non-CGI animated movie in this day and age, it's Disney.

The location that's best at combating my depression!

To quote Some Jerk with a Camera: "Theme parks, where you show your feet who's boss!".

And finally, we cover the panel I care the most about. There are plenty of exciting theme park developments coming, and they aren't replacing Country Bear Jamboree or Enchanted Tiki Room, so suck on that, Tom Corello!

(Note to my several readers: Don't use WDWNT. They suck.)

Disney has already announced that they will extensively cover the planned renovations and expansions to EPCOT, so that's probably the most anticipated part of the presentation. They'll also probably give some news about the upcoming Marvel land being built at Disney's California Adventure, as well as the Guardians of the Galaxy coaster also coming to EPCOT, as well as the Ratatouille ride. Info on Hollywood Studios would likely detail Rise of the Resistance, the Star Wars hotel, and Mickey and Minnie's Runaway Railway.

Adding new stuff to your least-visited park? And yet it's been 6 years since Michigan's Adventure has gotten anything. Take notes, Cedar Fair!

For international parks, we'll probably get some news about the Walt Disney Studios Park expansion that was announced last D23, as well the expansion at Tokyo DisneySea that was announced then as well. I could also see them giving more details on the new land based on Zootopia being built for Shanghai Disneyland. There's also the three new ships for the Disney Cruise Line, the first of which is set to launch in 2021.

As for the stuff I want to see...

1. A new monorail fleet, or at least a big refurbishment of the current fleet. There's been too many accidents with these recently, and I'd rather that their most iconic transportation method is of higher quality.
2. A real-life Bob's Burgers. Yes, I've talked about this before, but it would just work so well! I don't know where to put it, but it should happen! Maybe DCA, I don't know.
3. Electric cars for Autopia and Tomorrowland Speedway. Smelly gasoline ain't futuristic. Kinda ruins the aesthetic of the land.
4. If the rumors about Aerosmith's contract not being renewed are true, than a retheme of Rock'n'Roller Coaster. Now I would love to see Weird Al in a Disney park ride, but Doggans made a good argument for a different idea here.
5. More single rider lines. Disney needs way more of these. If there are attractions that they can make one for, then they should. C'mon, my local Six Flags has as many as the entirety of Disney World.
6. New Journey into Imagination. I actually haven't been on any of the three incarnations, but there are people who have heavy feelings about this, so, why not.
7. Announce a partnership with Brightline and build a train station at Disney World. Not too related to the parks, but we should support rail travel, especially with our administration trying to screw it over as best they can.
8. Add another Zootopia land somewhere in Florida. Hey, I don't wanna have to go to a country with an even worse government than ours for this, alright?
9. More ciders at dining locations. It's the type of booze I like the most, and I wish for there to be more options.
10. A real-life Paddy's Pub. Okay, this is next to impossible, but fuck it, this would be awesome too! Plus, we already know the signature dish.

"Goddamn it Frank. Eating your drinks? That's genius."

That's all I can think of for now. Anyway, what are you hoping they'll announce? What do you expect them to show off? Do you think my predictions have validity, or do you think they're bullshit? Let me know at @Colonel_Colin on Twitter. Until then, have fun waiting in agonizing anticipation!

Let's Imagineer 2: Day at the Museum

Hello to all of you once again! It is I, Colin, come to regale you with another nutty idea stupid enough to make you scoff and say "That'll never work", but hopefully not stupid enough that you take such offense to it that you attempt to hunt me down and hurt me.

Don't ask me how I know that that can happen.

Anyway, I've decided to write about something that I've thought about for a good while. Disney's been around for a long while, so naturally, they have a lot of history. But the Walt Disney Family Museum doesn't have all the room in the world.

Wait, why is it in San Francisco?

So, in order to thoughtfully preserve the histories of Disney and its many, many subsidiaries, I propose a new addition to the Florida property: an all-new museum about the history of Disney, past to present!

Where's this shit gonna go?

To quote Walter, Florida has a "blessing of size". So there's definitely no shortage of possible locations. My choice, though would have to be here:

Wait, no, hang on:

Fixed it!

Where the Walt Disney World Speedway, or the "Mickyard", once was, our museum shall now sit! The crowds aren't supposed to be too large, so hopefully the currently existing Ursula and Cruella parking lots will suffice for visitors. As for those that rode the Magical Express, direct shuttle services to the museum will depart from the resorts located around the Magic Kingdom. I haven't quite figured out how the other hotels will have quick access. In the meantime, they can use the Minnie-Van service, and a tram will connect it with the nearby Transportation and Ticket Center.

The Experience

I am no architect, so I have no idea what the building would look like. Just imagine it being cool and modern, with a hint of quirky to properly recreate that Disney magic. Buy your ticket and, if you want, head into a small theater for a brief reel showcasing what you're to expect from the museum, starring a certain beloved character...

"Ah, Rosie, I love this boy!"

Insert JJBA meme here, I guess. The museum's mascot will be the company's original star, Oswald the Lucky Rabbit. Because if they're not going to use him, then I am.

The museum starts with the early days, showing Walt's childhood, the Alice comedies, and, obviously, Oswald. From there, it's just a case of artifacts from throughout Disney's storied history. Things like animation cels and movie props are pulled out of the Disney archive for the first time in decades to be put on display here. Costumes, sets, scripts, masks, everything that can be represented will be represented. Old ride vehicles from different attractions, from Peter Pan's Flight to Rocket Rods, will be available to see and maybe sit in. There's also a new version of the Animation Academy, functioning similar to as it did at Hollywood Studios. And, of course, the histories of subsidiaries like ABC, Pixar, Marvel, Lucasfilm, and 20th Century Fox will be showcased in detail as well.

But what will be especially notable is what will be moving to the museum...

Moving Day

"It's not what Walt would've wanted!" He wanted a fucking city, but I don't hear anyone bring that up.

The old Progress City model is an impressive piece of history, and while it's a cool sight to see on the Peoplemover, it's a bit hard to fully appreciate it from there. The  model will be moved to the museum, with it's own lighting-controlled room to showcase it at day and night.

Speaking of history in Tomorrowland...

"I hear that that Kevin Feige fellow is making some kind of shared universe of movies based on comic books! It'll never work."

Not too many people seem to ride Carousel of Progress anymore, but everyone will bitch and moan if it gets shut down. So why not move it here? They already moved it from Anaheim to Lake Buena Vista, I'm sure they can move it about a mile south of its current location.

Finally, we add two theaters. One has 3D (and some 4D) elements that'll show screen shows like Magic Journeys, Honey I Shrunk The Audience!, The Lottery, The Making of Me, Symbiosis, Circle of Life: An Environmental Fable, Sounds Dangerous! and, the big piece, MuppetVision 3D. Nobody wants to see it go, and this move is probably its best possible fate. There's also gonna be a Circle-Vision theater, for stuff like O' Canada! and The Timekeeper, because those should be represented too.

And the rest!

Obviously, the museum would also have some dining and shopping options too, because most museums have that these days, and one made by Disney is no exception.

Other than that, that's pretty much all I have at the moment for this idea. What are your thoughts? Is there anything you would add or take away? Feel free to let me know at @Colonel_Colin. I hope you enjoyed my idea and won't hunt me down. Until next time!

Let's Imagineer 1: Tiny Tunnel Trains!

Yeah, yeah, I know it's been a while, etcetera, etcetera, whatever. This time we're doing something different though; I'm going to design a new type of attraction by myself. So let's these creative juices a-flowing like beer at Oktoberfest!

A lot has happened since I last posted. I've been to Six Flags Great America, the Hyde Park Winter Wonderland, and Walt Disney World. And it's all been great. Remember the inverted hairpin coaster from Rollercoaster Tycoon? I went on that!

How much does it swing? However much you think it does, it's more than that.

One thing I've done that's really piqued my interest was the London Postal Museum. Trust me, it's cooler than it sounds. But one of the best parts of the museum is the Mail Rail. Years ago, London had a system of tiny trains that carried mail across the city. For the museum, a small section of the system was reopened, with trains built to carry people instead of mail. On your ride, they tell the story of the system using narrations and projections, showing you the importance of getting the mail from Point A to Point B.

It's fun! Unless you're claustrophobic. It gets tight. But otherwise, fun!

And this gave me an idea. The kind of idea that could make a lot of money, which is the best kind of idea! Simply put, we make one of those in Chicago. "But Colin, you sexy devil", you're definitely saying, "Chicago doesn't have a series of abandoned tunnels with narrow gauge track!". Well clearly YOU didn't get a B- in Chicago History!

It's the CTC, See?

OH GOD, IT'S COMING RIGHT AT US!

The Chicago Tunnel Company was an expansive narrow gauge railway running underneath the city of Chicago, carrying freight and goods between different businesses. It also carried coal, debris, and mail. Hell, it's what inspired London to build the Mail Rail in the first place!

It's fun! Unless you're claustropho- wait, I did this already...

Nowadays, some tunnels have filled with concrete, in order to prevent flooding. But I bet my minuscule credibility as a blogger of themed entertainment to say that some of those tunnels are still around. So, let's finally get to imagineering!

Coming soon to Chicago, Welcome to the new and improved Chicago Tunnel Experience!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the heart of the greatest city on Earth! Our exact location? I don't know, some place not currently being used... how about that hole over there?

Chicago In-Joke!

I present to you a tourist attraction so grand, so immersive, so fucking spectacular, that it'll make everything else you've done in your life pale in comparison! You'll enter into a small museum on the early days of the city of Chicago, mostly covering the 19th century. You'll then end up in a second section detailing the Chicago Tunnel Company, a wonderful little network of trains that ran about under the city.

If vehicles were people, than this would definitely be a person. (Taken from www.thetrolleydodger.com)

The central point of the exhibit is Number 508, the last remaining original engine from the line, discovered during excavations on Lake Shore Drive. It's on loan from the Illinois Railway Museum, which is conveniently located in the middle of nowhere- I mean, Union.

But for you visitors today, we have a special treat! We've managed to get access into these heavily-restricted tunnels to give you a tour of Chicago's history, through the power of TIME TRAVEL!

Example of time travel, for those confused.

You and the other guests proceed to board a replica of the previously shown train, with specially built coaches to carry you. We roll off into to the tunnels, and flip that time switch!

Welcome to the 1900's! Through projections on the tunnel walls, we show off the Chicago of the past. Streets are jammed with horse carriages and streetcars, businesses boom, and the buildings are getting taller and taller! It's a bit crowded, so let's jump ahead to...

The 1920's! Buildings are taller still! The economy is great, and it's never going to fail! Jazz is on the rise, and Chicago is the epicenter of a bold, new genre of music! Automobiles are speeding down the street, moving pictures play for thousands, the Mob is running illegal booze, the mob sees us, the mob are aiming tommyguns at us, we better go, skip ahead further this time...

It's the 1950's now. Things are heating up! Chicago is the largest railroad hub on Earth, highways have begun construction, and everybody's marrying each other! Rock music has started, and it's pretty good! Let's move a bit more forward...

We're in the groovy 1960's, and few things are hipper than standing up for what you believe in. As The Beatles on the radio and Marina City stands tall, brave men and women protest the war and argue for peace. Ideas that shouldn't be controversial, but they were. Let's move on to...

The 1980's! Mayor Harold Washington strives to improve the city and bring people back to live here. Technology is getting better and better, and the Sears Tower lords over as the tallest building on Earth! Where could we possibly go from here... I know! Let's just flip this time travel switch to MAX!

Pretend this is future Chicago, not Cyberpunk 2077.

It's future Chicago! The El moves at 200 miles an hour! Deep Dish Pizza can be 3D-printed! The aldermen are robots! They're still corrupt, but they're robots! Life is truly amazing! But alas, we must return to the present. Our little time train putters back into the museum, where you can have a photo op and grab something from the gift shop. Remember to tell your friends to stop by the Chicago Tunnel Experience!

Back to normal talking now.

This attraction has the potential to bring in thousands upon thousands of people into the city, as a new must-do for visitors and residents alike. And there's plenty of other ideas on what could be done with it! "But the location-" The Spire isn't going to happen guys, sorry. I know, I'm disappointed too.

But what do you think? Tell me on Twitter at @Colonel_Colin. Until then, I'll see you all around. Oh, and this isn't the only idea I have to build; some involve theme parks more. So watch out for that! Goodbye!

"GREAT GOOGILY MOOGILY, IT'S ALL GONE TO SHIT!"

Folks, I've been to a lot of parks. And by that, I mean I've watched a lot of POV videos on YouTube. And I'm always interested when an upcoming whatever tries to do a new and interesting plot, y'know, if they have one.

Sure, it's thrilling, but where's the story?

With all of the dark rides, simulators, and enclosed coasters I've watched, however, I've begun to notice a pattern in their stories. Allow me to show you what I mean:

Location: I dunno, some park.

You've come to this park to experience the thrilling new attraction, A RIDE! Before you board though, there's a preshow by the delightful Professor Such-and-Such and his animal sidekick, Jerkwad.

"Oh, I see you guests are all here to experience the whatever-invention that I made!", the Professor says, in his hilarious mannerisms. "It's sure to be a blast, where absolutely nothing will go wrong!"

"I'm funny!" says Jerkwad. You laugh like everybody else in line, but deep down, you know he sucks.

Visual approximation of Jerkwad.

So, you get on board your vehicle and it seems all fine and dandy, but OH NO SOMETHING'S GONE WRONG! We're being attacked by an earthquake/dragon/evil prince/alien/asteroid/robots/insert other here! We gotta get outta here! OH NO, NOW THERE'S A helicopter/giant fish/gremlins/Reaper from Mass Effect/Borg/Broly/insert other here! Oh, thank goodness! Professor Such-and-Such and Jerkwad have saved us!

"Y'all come back now, ya hear?" they say, as you laugh along with everybody else once again, because you desperately want to be accepted by society! And you leave the ride into the gift shop so you can buy Jerkwad merchandise.

I have, admittedly loosely, described the plot of many rides that have stories. You're a guest and/or visitor, here to experience something that definitely won't go to shit, only for it to go to shit.

I got receipts!

Look, I love this too, but even good stuff has its flaws.

Now then, here are attractions, past and present, that use this kind of plot:

• Star Tours (Various Disney Parks, Incompetent Pilot)
• Expedition Everest (Animal Kingdom, Yeti)
• Dinosaur (Animal Kingdom, Take a wild guess)
• Body Wars (EPCOT, White Blood Cells)
• ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter (Magic Kingdom, An alien)
• The Great Movie Ride (Hollywood Studios, Gangster/Outlaw)
• Star Tours: The Adventure Continues (Various Disney Parks, Depends on the films)
• Muppet*Vision 3D (Hollywood Studios, Waldo)
• Jaws: The Ride (Universal Orlando/Japan, Shark)

"SHARK! SHARK! SHARK! SHARK!"

• Jurassic Park: The Ride (Various Universal Parks, Dinosaurs)
• Kongfrontation (Universal Orlando, King Kong)
• Skull Island: Reign of Kong (Islands of Adventure, King Kong again)
• Back to the Future: The Ride (This and the next 6 are Various Universal Parks, Biff Tannen)
• The Simpsons Ride (Sideshow Bob)
• Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem (Turbine)
• Revenge of the Mummy (Imhotep)

And, to an extent, Brendan Fraser.

• Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey (Dragon, Spiders, Whomping Willow, Dementors...)
• The Amazing Adventures of Spider Man (Various Villains)
• Terminator 2 3-D: Battle Across Time (Terminators)
• The Funtastic World of Hanna-Barbera (Universal Orlando and Various Cedar Fair Parks, Dick Dastardly and Muttley)
• Jimmy Neutron's Nicktoon Blast (Universal Orlando, Yolkians)
• Harry Potter and the Escape from Gringotts (Universal Orlando, Death Eaters)
• Popeye and Bluto's Bilge Rat Barges (Islands of Adventure, Bluto)
• Wild Arctic (SeaWorld San Diego and Orlando, the Weather)
• Questor (Busch Gardens Tampa and Williamsburg, loss of power, I think)
• Akbar's Adventure Tours (Busch Garden's Tampa, Monsters, I think; No ride film remains)

Get on this, Lost Media people!

• Monster Mansion (Six Flags Over Georgia, THE MARSH)
• Bermuda Triangle (Movie Park Germany and Sea World, It's in a volcano, Dumbass)
• Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye (Disneyland, who the hell looked at Mara?)
• Honey, I Shrunk the Audience! (Various Disney Parks, GEE I WONDER)
• It's Tough to be a Bug! (Various Disney Parks, Hopper, who's voiced by Stanton instead of Spacey)
• Mass Effect: New Earth (California's Great America, Reapers)
• The Curse of DarKastle (Busch Gardens Williamsburg, Evil Ghost-Wolf-Prince)
• Verbolten (Busch Gardens Williamsburg, Vines, Evil Spirit, Storm, Big Bad Wolf)

The scariest part is the lack of a conclusion to the narrative told in the queue!

• Italian Job Stunt Track/ Turbo Coaster (Various Cedar Fair Parks, Helicopter)
• Space Shuttle America (Six Flags Great America, Postponing the apocalypse)
• Tomb Raider: The Ride (Kings Island, the Hindu goddess Durga)
• Mystery Mine (Dollywood, Haunted mine)
• Firechaser Express (Dollywood, Fireworks)
• Blazing Fury (Dollywood, Fire)
• Fire in the Hole (Silver Dollar City, Fire and Baldknobbers)
• Iron Man Experience (Hong Kong Disneyland, Hydra)
• Mystic Manor (Hong Kong Disneyland, Magic music box)

Friggin' monkey...

• Big Grizzly Mountain Runaway Mine Cars (Hong Kong Disneyland, Poorly run mine)
• Ratatouille: The Adventure (Walt Disney Studios Park and, soon, EPCOT, SkinnER!)
• Mickey's PhilharMagic (Various Disney Parks, Donald Duck)
• The Amazing Ride of Gumball (IMG Worlds of Adventure, Science Project)
• Star Trek: The Experience (Las Vegas, Klingons in one part, Borg in the other)
• Stormrider (Tokyo DisneySea, Storm)
• Journey to the Center of the Earth (Tokyo DisneySea, Badass lava monster)

In awe at the size of this lad. Absolute unit.

And I'm sure there's others, but I wanted to stop the list before it got redundant.

But Colin, you handsome devil, how do we fix this?

Well, there ain't much you or I could do, unless we get jobs as Imagineers, but I feel we'd need some design degrees if we want to get hired. Otherwise, we can't really control much of the way attractions are designed. I'm sure that if we get entry level jobs at Disney, or Universal, we can work our way up. We'll meet up at the Walker Bros. on Roselle Road to discuss it on Saturday Morning. No- come by my house, the public musn't know. You find cheap airfare, I'll look at apartments.

Feel free to message me on Twitter at @Colonel_Colin if you have questions or thoughts. Until next time, don't look at Mara, stay out of the marsh, and don't rent from sketchy motor tour companies located near the Black Forest!

Christ, it's been a while.

I need to write here more. It'd be easier if I lived in Orlando, or Southern California, but I live in Chicago. Only parks here are Six Flags Great America and Santa's Village. Slim pickings.

Anyways, let's talk about some big news: Disney is finally gonna be buying most of the assets of 20th Century Fox, mainly their movies and TV shows. This means they now own the X-Men films, The Simpsons, etc. As the only blogger on the internet, it's my job to discuss the effect this could have on the theme parks. You're welcome, all of those who read my blog (All six of you)!

The Universe Expands

Yes, he probably won't get a ride. A man can dream, dammit.

Thanks to the purchase of the X-Men Cinematic Universe, Disney can finally have all of Marvel in their MCU. And that means more theme park material. Easy ride idea would be based around the X-Mansion, it's some kind of visitor's day, but then it's attacked by Magneto, or Doctor Doom, or Toad, or The Blob, and adventure ensues. I could name a lot of rides, where something goes horribly wrong, but you guys probably wouldn't be too interested in that. Just- just know that if the ride has any kind of plot, and it isn't just retelling a preexisting story, then odds are, something will go horribly wrong. That needs its own post.

I can't think of a clever title. Animation!

If the end goal isn't this in real life, then what was the point of this purchase?

Disney now owns all of Fox's non-news shows, including The Simpsons, Family Guy, and Bob's Burgers. I think that, out of all the tie-in possibilities, the best would be building an actual Bob's Burgers. I know, it's a bit of a stretch, but it would kick ass, that's for sure. If only because I can't figure out how a King of the Hill ride would work, as awesome as that would be. I feel the BB tie-in would easy, cheap, and could make some good returns. We gotta think about this from a financial standpoint. And honestly, this is probably the most well-liked cartoon currently airing on FOX. It's got a lot of potential to work.

The Movie-Making Elephant in the Room

The Marvel characters and their trademark three-wheelers!

Now for the problem with all of this: Universal's contracts. It's already well-known that Disney can't include non-Guardians Marvel attractions east of the Mississippi River, so owning Fox's Marvel film rights could cause a change. Especially considering that Disney also now owns The Simpsons, meaning that Universal Orlando resort now has two of its lands in jeopardy.

Yeah, this is awkward now.

I have no idea what the contract is with Fox properties, but in any case, it's understandable as to why Comcast tried to make a last-second bid. Unfortunately for them, Disney wanted it more. This, combined with the negative reception of some of Universal's newest attraction, means that they're likely facing some hurdles right now.

But what do you think?  Let me know by commenting me, or asking me on Twitter at @Colonel_Colin. Thank you for reading, and hopefully, it won't take me another six months to update this thing!

IAAPA pun!

School and general laziness have prevented me from updating this blog too much, but I think it's necessary for me to talk about IAAPA. For those of you who don't know, IAAPA stands for the International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions. This marvelous expo shows off all kinds of new technologies, products, and innovations. It's like an NMRA convention! Y'know, the National Model Railroad Association? You've been there, right? No? Oh. Oh God, I'm so alone.

The Disneyland of trades shows. Partly because I'm pretty sure Disney's shopped around here.

Unfortunately, I was not able to attend, as I do not have the money (If you want to support me, leave $5,000 in an unmarked brown paper bag on the corner of Cicero and Rivercrest at 1:50 AM). Still, I'll try my best to cover some of the new releases unveiled at the show. Because who else will? Well, I mean besides better, more well-known, successful theme park blogs.

Insert "Ocean Man" Here

"That's your solution to everything: to build a ride that goes underwater. It's not gonna happen."

"Not with that attitude!"

Arguably the most unique concept showed off at IAAPA was the Aquaticar. This Jetsons-looking ass contraption is meant to be installed at water parks and resorts. With a blistering top speed of 2 miles per hour, this attraction will allow guests to travel underwater while keeping their heads dry, cuz' not everybody has the breathing skills of a freediver. Jokes aside, I think this is a capital idea, and it's nice to see a cool new idea in the amusement industry that doesn't involve screens.

Shut Up and Drive!

I can't think of a relevant off-roading quote, so... whatever.

Dynamic Attractions has proven to be quite the up and comer in the industry, doing stuff from the the KUKA arm vehicles for Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey to the new trains for the Disneyland monorail. Now they've shown off a new off-roader ride technology that could turn out to be a real game-changer. This ride system is designed to work both indoors and outdoors, and while they're aren't any official installments just yet, they've teased a G.I. Joe ride that uses the technology. Hopefully it won't be based off the live-action films.

Now, I originally had a bit more to talk about, but I lost a lot of my progress, and I wanted one more thing out before the end of the year. If you want to hear more, feel free to ask my Twitter here. Thanks for reading, and have a happy new year!

Give her the D...23.

I know, I know, I know, I said that I would be working on those posts about rides getting replaced, and how I'd update more. I'm aware of that. But consider this: D23.

It's the most, wonderful time, of two years...

Yes, I know I'm late to the party. But I have a good reason: I'm lazy.It would probably be illegal for me to not talk about the many, many, many crazy surprise announcements, not to mention the stuff we were already pretty sure were happening. Any way, let's dive in.

Nice model, but don't these usually have trains running about?

Oh, mercy me!

A model of the new Star Wars: Galaxy's Edge was shown off, and... the Star Wars stuff would need a whole 'nother post, but what's important is that this is cool, the First Order ride vehicle is cool, Rex's return is cool, Hondo Ohnaka is cool, the hotel is cool, it's all just kickass.

The Obvious One

Skyway 2: No, you still may not spit over the edge.

I discussed the impending gondolas in a previous blog post. The new Disney Skyliner, as it's called is to connect EPCOT, Disney's Hollywood Studios, and the Caribbean Beach, Art of Animation, POP! Century, and Riviera Resorts, the latter of which was also announced at the Expo.

They have not announced when this system(which will hopefully be safe against hurricanes) will open, but hopefully it will be soon, so that we'll have another option to get around other than bus.

MAGICAL, ONE-OF-A-KIND DISNEY EXPERIENCE!

The One we kinda already knew was gonna happen

Please just try to make this about energy, too...

In a move that of course rustled the jimmies of many a Twitter account, it was announced the Ellen's Energy Adventure attraction(Winner of the 'Wait, this still exists?' award) would soon be closed to make way for a new attraction based on the smash hit film, Guardians of the Galaxy. What reasoning did they give for this? Apparently, Peter Quill visted Epcot when he was little. So did I, but where the hell is my attraction? It would have so many trains!

Well, at least they actually gave a reason. No clue what a modern-day racetrack is doing in the land of the future.

Naturally, people are complaining about the addition of another IP in EPCOT, even though EEA was based of Ellen's long-cancelled sitcom and Bill Nye the Science Guy. I've already given my thoughts on the matter over on Twitter, so head over there, but I still hope that this is done right, and that the complaining and whining will eventually die down.

The One we heard about just a little bit before it was official

"I love you. I guess we're gonna meet my parents tonight. Uh-oh, I burned the cheese! IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME YOU DIE FOR REAL!"

Just a few days before D23, several anonymous sources reported that the Tommorowland Speedway attraction at Magic Kingdom would be replaced by a copy of Shanghai's Tron Lightcycle Power Run. And while it is coming, the Speedway will stay, so Tomorrowland won't lose it's last opening day attraction. Otherwise, it looks like it'll just be an exact copy of the original. And if you've seen the original, then you know that that ain't a bad thing.

The One with the rat voiced by the awesome guy

Finally, a ride with a character voiced by this guy.

Speaking of imports, the highly successful Ratatouille: L'Aventure Totalement Toquée de Rémy(Ratatouille: Remy's Totally Zany Adventure) from the Walt Disney Studios Park at the Disneyland Paris Resort is being added to EPCOT's France pavilion. The good news is that there will soon be a non-water ride added to World Showcase. The bad news is that doing this pretty much means that there is no longer any real motivation to go to Walt Disney Studios Park. There's a good reason why it's the least visited of Disney's 12 parks.

The One that's actually using our mascot for once

Anyone else surprised it took this long?

One of the more surprising announcements of the panel was a replacement for the aging attraction The Great Movie Ride at Disney's Hollywood Studios. Mickey and Minnie's Runaway Railway will be a new dark ride based off the recent Mickey Mouse shorts. If you have not seen them, you should; they're funny as hell. While it hasn't gotten as many complaints as the Guardians ride, many are still upset. Look, The Great Movie Ride will be missed- hell, it's the only ride I know of that has both Casablanca AND Alien- but at least the company's mascot is actually the subject of a ride for once.

The One that's just Uber. That's it

Because nobody chooses to use the bus.

Perhaps the most bizarre announcement was a new transportation option known as the "Minnie-vans"- even though the above car is a Chevy Traverse, which is an SUV, but I suppose we shouldn't split hairs. It's a novel idea, I'm sure, but as theme park reviewer Tony Goldmark (kinda) pointed out, wouldn't a Cars tie-in make more sense. You add fake eyes and a mouth, have a special character narration as you're driving- I mean, they did this to the Disneyland monorails once, why not here? Disney should really hire me.

Unless you find it creepy, it's a pretty good idea.

The Ones that aren't rides, stupid

In case you're wondering what the price for both is, it's more than you can afford.

Our final Park announcements from the Expo- aside from Toy Story land news that was mostly just confirming stuff we already knew, Paradise Pier becoming Pixar Pier with no new rides, some parade stuff, and a Marvel land announced for DCA (with no details given on what it will have, when ground will be broken, or when it'll open)- are of two new hotels. The Disney Riviera resort is exclusive to DVC (Disney Vacation Club) members and will open in Florida. In addition, as I previously mentioned, it will be a stop on the Skyliner gondola system. The second was also the only announcement we got relating to Disneyland Paris. Their preexisting Disney's Hotel New York is getting a makeover to transform into Disney's Hotel New York- The Art of Marvel. These will truly be amazing new accomodations that I will never have the money for.

So, what are your thoughts on the D23 announcements? Feel free to say what you loved slash hated in the comments. Here's hoping I can actually be at the next one!