- I got everything wrong.
Now, onto the idea!
Gonna take my horse to the Old Town Road
Why? Why not!
I was captivated two years ago when S&S announced two years back that they wanted to revive the old Steeplechase coaster design. For those who don't know, it's a design from the early 1900's involving horse-shaped cars on single-rail track. Due to (probably) safety reasons, most of them are now gone, barring one at Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
Blackpool: the Jersey shore of England!
A revival of this classic design got me pretty excited, but I've yet to see anyone say they're going to buy one. Which I feel is a shame, because I have a good idea of what it can be used for...
This is where it gets weird...
Lookin' like a Versace cover over here.
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure is one of the most insane, darkest, and confusing franchises to come out of Japan. The franchise focuses on members of the Joestar family throughout the decades and an alternate universe. The fights are intense, a lot of dogs die, and everything is named after music. If you want a good summary of the franchise, watch this.
It's split into 8 parts, and given that the steeplechase coaster is mostly known for looking like horses racing, we'll use part 7: Steel Ball Run. It's a delightful story about Johnny Joestar, a crippled jockey in a horse race across the United States in the late 19th century who's told by the spirit of Jesus Christ to kill the president of the United States, Funny Valentine, who wants to use Jesus' corpse to make America the greatest country in the world. And no, I did not make a word of that up.
Also, there's a guy who can turn into a dinosaur.
It's one of the most insane stories in fiction, and if there's a part that you could turn into a ride, it's this. Oh, yeah, before we start:
POSSIBLE SPOILERS FOR STEEL BALL RUN
There, now we can get into it.
"Welcome to the Steel Ball Run!"
Coming to Universal Studios Japan is a thrilling new ride based on one of the most beloved manga in history! Collect yourself, hop up on that horse, and hope to Pucci that you have a stand, because you're going to race in the Steel Ball Run!
Our ride is located in where else but the San Francisco section of the park. As you enter the queue, you are greeted with an animatronic Steven and Lucy Steel, who lay down what this race is and how you should be prepared. Rumor has it that President Funny Valentine will be watching, though he may have some ulterior motives...
A lovely couple with a 37-year age difference!
You also learn about some of the racers and their backstories, like the tragic American Johnny Joestar, the cheerful yet ruthless Gyro Zeppeli, and the mysterious and threatening Diego Brando. Eventually, you meet your steed, climb aboard, and go to the starting line. As you reach the top of the first lift hill, the horses take off and the race is on!
Now, here's where it gets interesting; steeplechase coasters are known for multiple tracks. This coaster will have them, but they will split off to different show scenes, depending on your track; either Johnny Joestar, Gyro Zeppeli, or Lucy Steel. I can't go into much detail about the scenes, but through projection and hologram technology, you'll be able to see their stands Tusk, Ballbreaker, and Ticket to Ride as they face off against foes like Ringo Roadagain and his stand Mandom, Diego Brando and his stand Scary Monsters, and eventually Funny Valentine himself and his stand Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.
"Welcome to the true man's world."
"Bloody country-fucks! I'll climb to the top of society!"
Instead of a quote, I'll just show Mister President shotgunning a beer.
The ride itself may not be too intense, but the scenes you'll see will be, blending action, comedy, and drama all at once to create an experience the likes of which we've never seen before.
"Arigatou, Gyro..."
Now, I'm sure you're wondering: "Colin, you sexy scamp, isn't this a bit too dark for a theme par that primarily caters to families?". That's why I chose a park that once had a JJBA attraction, albeit a temporary one.
Hey kids, ever want to see a knife get thrown through your neck in 3-D?
Will a steeplechase roller coaster based on Steel Ball Run ever happen? Probably not. But is it possible? You bet your ass. But what do you think? Give me your thoughts at my Twitter @Colonel_Colin. I'm always welcome to hear new ideas, so if there's anything you want me to talk about, feel free to ask! Until next time, here's a little suggestion on how to deal with the problems in your life.
